The Hidden Cost of Caring: Understanding and Addressing Emotional Labor
Dr. Nikie Walker, Ed.D. • May 26, 2025
By Dr. Nikie Walker, Ed.D. | HR Consultant & Leadership Strategist | 20/20 Walker Consulting
As a professor of business and a human resources consultant, I’ve seen firsthand how emotional labor quietly shapes our workplaces. But my personal introduction to this invisible workload came years ago, when I was managing my family’s optometry practice. Sure, I was handling the day-to-day operations—scheduling, billing, customer service—but there was a whole second layer of effort happening behind the scenes: making sure patients felt cared for, employees felt supported, and tensions were diffused with a calm, reassuring tone. That, my friends, is emotional labor.
The term was first coined by sociologist Arlie Hochschild in her 1983 book The Managed Heart. She defined emotional labor as managing your emotions to meet the emotional demands of your job—especially when the emotions you feel don’t match the emotions you’re expected to show. In other words, it’s not just the job you’re doing—it’s how you have to feel while doing it.
You’ve likely performed emotional labor without even realizing it. Smiling at a rude customer. Staying calm when you’re frustrated. Comforting a stressed-out coworker when you barely have enough energy for yourself. These emotional efforts are especially common in caregiving roles, customer service, healthcare, education, and yes—human resources.
According to Simply Psychology, unmanaged emotional labor can take a toll on mental health, leading to burnout, anxiety, and emotional exhaustion. Over time, it creates an internal tug-of-war: your outer behavior says “everything’s fine,” while your inner world is waving a red flag. And the kicker? Most people don’t get acknowledged—or compensated—for it.
A powerful piece from the Greater Good Science Center dives deeper into why emotional labor matters. It explains how this kind of work disproportionately affects women and people of color, who often feel added pressure to remain composed, agreeable, or “non-threatening” in the workplace. That’s an extra emotional burden stacked on top of their actual job duties. It’s no surprise that emotional labor often becomes unsustainable—especially when it’s expected but invisible.
Let me give you a real-world example. During my time running our optometry practice, there were days when I’d go from comforting a grieving patient who just lost a loved one to calming down a frustrated staff member in the breakroom. That emotional switch-flipping was exhausting—and yet, it was never mentioned in any job description or performance evaluation. It just came with the territory.
So how do we fix this? How do we bring emotional labor out of the shadows and into the conversation?
Here are five practical strategies organizations can use to recognize and mitigate emotional labor:
1. Acknowledge It Out Loud
Start by naming it. When managers and leaders validate emotional labor, employees feel seen. Something as simple as saying, “I know that was a tough conversation—thank you for handling it with empathy,” can go a long way in reducing feelings of invisibility.
2. Offer Emotional Intelligence Training
We train people on software and systems—why not emotions? Emotional intelligence (EQ) training helps employees recognize their own emotional triggers and respond more skillfully to others. It also teaches managers how to support team members who may be experiencing emotional fatigue.
3. Encourage Safe, Open Conversations
Create space for people to talk about how they’re feeling, without fear of being labeled as “dramatic” or “too sensitive.” Psychological safety in the workplace allows employees to share their emotional experiences, vent when needed, and ask for support before burnout sets in.
4. Invest in Mental Health Resources
This isn’t just about offering an EAP number and calling it a day. Make sure employees know what resources are available—whether it’s therapy stipends, access to a mental health app, or simply time off to recharge. Emotional labor takes energy. Employees need time and tools to recover.
5. Design Work with Balance in Mind
Flexible work hours, clear boundaries around availability, and support for time off are crucial. Encourage breaks. Don’t glorify overwork. Emotional labor doesn’t stop at 5 p.m.—especially for caregivers or parents—so companies should help employees find ways to recharge both at work and at home.
Let’s be honest—emotional labor isn’t going anywhere. It’s woven into how humans interact, especially in fields where connection, compassion, and communication are part of the job. But when we treat emotional labor as real work (because it is), we move toward more equitable, supportive workplaces.
In closing, emotional labor is often the glue that holds teams, customer relationships, and even entire workplaces together. But that glue can crack under pressure if no one acknowledges the weight it carries. If we want healthier, more sustainable organizations, we need to recognize, reward, and redistribute emotional labor.
Because when we take care of the people who are always taking care of everyone else? Everybody wins.
References:
- Hochschild, A. R. (1983). The Managed Heart: Commercialization of Human Feeling. University of California Press.
- Reese, H. (2023). What Is Emotional Labor and Why Does It Matter? Greater Good Science Center.
- Simply Psychology. (n.d.). Emotional Labor. Retrieved from simplypsychology.org
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By Dr. Nikie Walker, Ed.D. | HR Consultant & Leadership Strategist | 20/20 Walker Consulting
By Dr. Nikie Walker, Ed.D. | HR Consultant & Leadership Strategist | 20/20 Walker Consulting
By Dr. Nikie Walker, Ed.D. | HR Consultant & Leadership Strategist | 20/20 Walker Consulting
By Dr. Nikie Walker, Ed.D. | HR Consultant & Leadership Strategist | 20/20 Walker Consulting
By Dr. Nikie Walker, Ed.D. | HR Consultant & Leadership Strategist | 20/20 Walker Consulting
We've all faced the "dreaded" annual review. It has been on the calendar for weeks, and despite knowing we are dedicated, loyal, and good employees, there's always a small part of us that fears what might be said. If we are the ones giving the feedback, this situation can be just as palm sweating-inducing. Why is feedback so difficult? Part of the issue with feedback is our mind getting away from us. We overthink each scenario replaying over and over in our mind what could happen. In an article by Jackman and Strober for Harvard Business Review, Fear of Feedback, psychologists theorize that we avoid feedback because we hate to be criticized. This possibly stems from critical comments that were given to us in childhood by parents or teachers (2003). Yet, if you are in a position of leadership, you know that feedback is essential to improving the performance of your employees. Along with giving your employee expectations, feedback whether annually, semi-annually, or after their orientation period is not only the “right thing to do”, it is the kind thing to do also. Can feedback be kind? Absolutely, it can and should be. I once knew a physician in a fellowship program who believed he was excelling during his first year. However, during his annual review, his supervising physician revealed several issues with his performance. The news was devastating. For an entire year, he thought he was doing everything right and providing the best care to his patients. The feedback dealt a severe blow to his ego, self-esteem, self-confidence, and belief in his ability to treat his patients effectively. Although it would have been difficult and time-consuming to correct the student physician’s actions throughout the year, it would have been the kinder, more compassionate, and respectful action to take. If feedback is indeed the kinder more respectful way to treat our employees, how can I as a leader/manager in my organization make it less painful? In the article, The Art of Giving and Receiving Feedback, Lisa Wagner discusses that feedback should be Direct Specific Behavioral that is based on what the person did or acted and not who they are as a person Be Impactful by connecting the observed behavior to consequences or its effects. Be actionable by providing the employee with ways to improve or build upon the behavior. Additionally, Wagner mentions that you should always praise in public and criticize in private which was originally said by Vince Lombardi. To help with the structure of how to give feedback, there are several models you could follow. The first model is called SBI-Situation, Behavior, and Impact. The SBI (Situation, Behavior, Impact) model is an effective framework for providing constructive feedback to employees. It helps managers deliver feedback in a clear, objective, and actionable manner while minimizing defensiveness from the recipient. Here's how the SBI model works: Situation: Describe the specific context or situation where the behavior occurred. Be precise with details like date, time, location, and circumstances. For example, "During yesterday's team meeting when we were discussing the new project timeline..." Behavior: Objectively describe the observable behavior without judgment or interpretation. Stick to the facts. For instance, "You interrupted me three times while I was presenting the project plan." Impact: Explain the effect or consequence of the behavior, focusing on its impact on you, the team, or the organization. For example, "When you interrupted me, it broke my train of thought, and I had difficulty regaining my focus. This confused the team members about the project timeline." By following the SBI model, the feedback becomes more tangible and less personal, making it easier for the employee to understand and accept. It also encourages a two-way dialogue, as the manager can inquire about the employee's intent behind the behavior, fostering better understanding and problem-solving. For instance, after describing the situation, behavior, and impact, the manager could ask, "What was your intention when you interrupted me during the presentation?" This opens the conversation to explore any potential misunderstandings or miscommunications that led to the behavior. The SBI model helps managers provide clear, actionable feedback that focuses on specific behaviors and their consequences rather than making broad judgments or assumptions. When used effectively, it can improve communication, promote accountability, and support employee development within the organization. The SBI (Situation, Behavior, Impact) model is generally considered a more effective and direct approach to providing feedback compared to the traditional "sandwich method." The sandwich method involves sandwiching critical or negative feedback between two positive comments or compliments. While the intention is to soften the blow of the negative feedback, this method has several drawbacks: 1. It can dilute or obscure the main message by burying the critical feedback between positive comments 2. It can come across as insincere or manipulative if the positive comments seem forced or contrived 3. It can create confusion for the recipient who may not know which part to focus on - the positive or negative feedback. 4. It can reduce the impact and importance of the actual feedback that needs to be addressed In contrast, the SBI model provides a more clear, direct, and objective approach: 1. Situation: Describe the specific context where the behavior occurred 2. Behavior: Objectively state the observable actions or behavior, without judgment 3. Impact: Explain the consequences or effects of that behavior. The SBI model has several advantages: It focuses the feedback on specific, observable situations and behaviors rather than subjective judgments It removes ambiguity by directly addressing the core issue and its impact. It encourages a two-way dialogue by allowing the recipient to respond and provide context. It is more respectful and less likely to put the recipient on the defensive. While the sandwich method attempts to soften negative feedback, the SBI approach aims for clear, honest, and actionable communication. It provides the recipient with a better understanding of what needs to improve and why, without diluting or obscuring the message. Being honest with your employees can often be uncomfortable, making you feel uneasy and even causing your palms to sweat. It's natural to feel frustrated, especially after multiple attempts to support or improve an employee's performance or address their concerns. My best advice is to stick to the facts. By removing the emotional aspect from the conversation, you can help the employee better understand your perspective and the message you are trying to convey. In the end, it is truly the kindest approach to take. Nikie Walker, Ed.D. Brescia University-Divion Chair/Assistant Professor- Charles A. Reid School of Business. HR consultant/owner-20/20 Walker Consulting https://2020walkerconsulting.org/ Citations: https://hbr.org/2003/04/fear-of-feedback https://productcoalition.com/the-art-of-giving-and-receiving-feedback-5de3afeeb52e https://www.linkedin.com/advice/3/when-sandwich-technique-feedback-inappropriate https://www.linkedin.com/advice/0/how-do-you-balance-positive-negative-feedback-2e https://www.leadingedge.org/resource/effective-feedback-two-models-for-managers/ https://managebetter.com/blog/sbi-model-feedback-examples https://www.ccl.org/articles/leading-effectively-articles/sbi-feedback-model-a-quick-win-to-improve-talent-conversations-development/ https://www.ccl.org/articles/leading-effectively-articles/closing-the-gap-between-intent-vs-impact-sbii/ https://www.revolutionlearning.co.uk/article/the-sbi-feedback-model/
You have a position to fill. Recruitment is a necessary task for the daily function of your office but not a particularly fun activity. You have advertised, received too many emails to count, and narrowed it down to 10 candidates to interview. Of those 10, you have received five responses. You have scheduled the interviews on your day off or will fit them in between patients. It is not an ideal situation but necessary for the process. How can you maximize your time with the candidate, glean the most useful information and pick the best person for the job? There can be a lot of confusion surrounding the questions that you can ask to get to know the applicant and the questions that you cannot ask. There are many topics that are off-limits when interviewing candidates. Any questions that could impact your decision-making process in a discriminatory manner, intentional or not, could cause trouble down the line. Topics that are not acceptable to ask about would include the following: Age Birthplace, country of origin, or citizenship Disability Gender, sex, or sexual orientation Marital status, family, or pregnancy Race, color, or ethnicity Religion According to Yale University here are some examples of what seem like innocuous questions, but are illegal and how to rephrase them to gather the pertinent information for employment. Work/Visa Status and Citizenship Illegal: Are you a U.S. citizen? You sound like you have an accent, where are you from? Where were your parents born? What is your native language? Legal: Are you authorized to work in the U.S.? What languages do you speak (if relevant to the position)? Marital/Family Status Illegal: Are you married? Do you have children? If so, what do you do for child care? Are you planning to have children soon? Have you ever been divorced? Where is your spouse employed? Legal: Are you willing and able to put in the amount of overtime and/or travel the position requires? Are you willing to relocate? Age Illegal: How old are you? When were you born? How long have you been working? Legal: Do you have any concerns about handling the long hours and extensive travel that this job entails? Are you at least 18 years of age? Disability Status Illegal: Do you have any disabilities or medical conditions? How is your health? Do you take any prescription drugs? Have you been diagnosed with a mental illness? Have you ever been an alcoholic? Have you ever been in rehab? Legal: Are you able to perform this job with or without reasonable accommodation? Do you have any conditions that would keep you from performing this job? My best advice is to stick with behavioral or situational-based interview questions. These types of questions will allow you to see how the applicant will handle difficult situations in your office or how they have handled difficult situations with their past job experiences. Here is a list of questions that would be appropriate to ask: Why did you apply for this position? Tell me about a time when you had to handle a difficult situation with a patient/customer. Tell me about a time when you had to handle a difficult situation with a coworker or doctor. What are you looking for in an employer? What do you know about our company? Tell me more about your work history. Why should we hire you? Remember, stick to job-related line of questioning, and your interviews will be a success! For additional information please reference https://2020walkerconsulting.org/ https://ocs.yale.edu/channels/illegal-interview-questions/ https://www.eeoc.gov/employers/small-business/4-what-cant-i-ask-when-hiring
Have you ever wondered why job applicants should and need to complete an official job application form? I have been asked many times in my career why this step is necessary. It seems redundant, doesn’t it? After all, most applicants submit a resume with current and past employment history, education, and interests, right? There is a reason for this important step. Although a person’s resume might be the first contact that you have with a job candidate, unfortunately sometimes this is not the most accurate information for that person. Quite often, a person seeking new employment may not have updated their resume with their most current information or they may have uploaded an old file. It is through the job application that they complete in your place of business, where you can obtain the most accurate and updated information. According to Debra Kabalkin in her article. “5 Reasons Why Employment Application Forms Are Still Necessary”, These are the necessary reasons to have an interviewee complete a job application. For screening candidates As a legal document To diminish the risk of discrimination To have the applicant’s information organized For compliance Let me explain further. As I mentioned before, although maybe not intentional, applicants can take a certain amount of freedom when creating a resume. It is easy to leave out a job that they only worked for a few months or one that they may have been terminated from for just cause. However, the application is a legal document. One where not only you convey to the applicant your legal responsibilities, such as your at-will policy or authorizations for reference/background/criminal history checks, but one in which the applicant understands that if they have misrepresentation of their job experience or education this can lead to rejection of their application from that position or if hired discipline up to and including termination. Additionally, you have a consistent, uniform document in which you can organize the applicant's information, making sure to collect the same information for all applicants therefore ruling out the claim of discrimination because you gathered x information on applicant 1 but not on applicant 2. This all can be confusing. So, what should you include in your job application? According to SHRM, they recommend that the following information be included on your job application form: Legal name Address, phone number, and email address Eligibility to work in the U.S. Education information & graduation dates Qualifications Availability (when the candidate can start working) Employment history (companies, positions held, and dates of employment) Permission to contact previous employers. Desired salary References The bottom line is a job application protects you as the employer, where are you able to express not only your rights and responsibilities but also gives the potential employee the opportunity to have a clear and accurate record of who they are. If there was ever a claim of discrimination brought to you and you do not have an official job application, there would be little recourse for you as an employer to defend yourself and/or your organization. If you need a job application, I would be happy to assist. Nikie Walker, Ed.D. Brescia University-Division Chair/Assistant Professor- Charles A. Reid School of Business. HR consultant/owner-20/20 Walker Consulting https://2020walkerconsulting.org/ For further information, please reference the following: https://2020walkerconsulting.org/ https://www.helioshr.com/blog/2013/11/employment-applications-are-they-really-necessary
In today's fast-paced and demanding work environments, burnout has become a prevalent issue affecting professionals across various industries. The constant pressure to meet deadlines, coupled with high expectations and long working hours, can lead to physical and emotional exhaustion, which often pushes individuals to contemplate quitting their jobs. However, recognizing the signs of burnout and implementing proactive strategies can help prevent such extreme measures. Burnout is not merely a result of excessive workload but is a complex interplay of various factors, including chronic stress, lack of control, and a feeling of inefficacy. Recognizing the early signs is crucial to addressing the issue before it spirals out of control. Common symptoms of burnout include fatigue, cynicism, reduced efficiency, and a decline in overall job satisfaction. According to an article by The Mayo Clinic, Job Burnout: How to Spot it and Take Action (2023), if you answer yes to any of the following questions, you could have job burnout. Do you question the value of your work? Do you drag yourself to work and have trouble getting started? Do you feel removed from your work and the people you work with? Have you lost patience with co-workers, customers, or clients? Do you lack the energy to do your job well? Is it hard to focus on your job? Do you feel little satisfaction from what you get done? Do you feel let down by your job? Do you doubt your skills and abilities? Are you using food, drugs, or alcohol to feel better or to numb how you feel? Have your sleep habits changed? Do you have headaches, stomach or bowel problems, or other physical complaints with no known cause? Additionally, the article states the following reasons for burnout such as: Lack of control Lack of clarity about what is expected of you Conflicts with others Too much or too little to do Lack of support Problems with work-life balance. Strategies to Avoid Quitting Your Job Due to Burnout: Yet it is important to recognize the difference between stress and burnout. As Liz Lewis discusses in her article, Beating Burnout: Advice from an Expert (2021), “Burnout is different from stress or exhaustion.” Lewis continues by saying, “All burnout is stress, but not all stress is burnout.” Cynicism can be a characteristic of burnout. Decreased productivity, procrastination, and “feeling annoyed” can also signal burnout. So, what can you do to combat these feelings of burnout other than quitting your job? Set Realistic Goals and Prioritize: Establish achievable and realistic goals for yourself. Break down larger tasks into smaller, more manageable steps. Prioritize your workload based on urgency and importance, and do not hesitate to delegate when necessary. This helps create a sense of control and prevents feeling overwhelmed. Establish Boundaries: Clearly define your work hours and make a conscious effort to maintain a healthy work-life balance. Avoid overextending yourself by consistently working beyond regular hours. Communicate your boundaries to colleagues and supervisors to foster a supportive work environment. Take Breaks and Vacations: Regular breaks throughout the day can significantly impact your productivity and mental well-being. Additionally, do not underestimate the importance of taking vacations. Time away from work allows you to recharge and return with a fresh perspective. Cultivate Supportive Relationships: Foster positive relationships with colleagues and supervisors. Open communication channels can create a supportive work environment where you feel comfortable expressing concerns or seeking help when needed. A strong support system can mitigate the impact of stress and burnout. Invest in Self-Care, including acknowledging small wins: Prioritize self-care activities outside of work. Engage in hobbies, exercise, and spend quality time with friends and family. These activities play a crucial role in maintaining your overall well-being and resilience in the face of workplace challenges. Seek Professional Help: If you find yourself consistently struggling with burnout, consider seeking professional assistance. This may involve talking to a therapist or counselor who can provide guidance and coping strategies tailored to your specific situation. Continuous Learning and Skill Development: Stagnation in your career can contribute to feelings of dissatisfaction. Invest time in continuous learning and skill development to stay engaged and motivated. This could involve attending workshops, pursuing certifications, or taking on new responsibilities within your current role. While burnout is a prevalent issue in today's professional landscape, it does not have to result in quitting your job. By recognizing the signs early on and implementing proactive strategies, you can navigate the challenges of the workplace and build a more sustainable and fulfilling career. Remember, taking care of your mental and emotional well-being is not a luxury but a necessity for long-term success and satisfaction in your professional journey. Keep in mind that mitigating burnout requires continuous effort and commitment. Nikie Walker, Ed.D. Brescia University-Division Chair/Assistant Professor- Charles A. Reid School of Business. HR consultant/owner-20/20 Walker Consulting https://2020walkerconsulting.org/ https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/burnout/art-20046642
I am what you would call an extra extrovert. Being in the classroom, speaking at a conference, hosting a large dinner party are all events that energize me and excite me for the next event to come. Engaging with others invigorates me and making quick connections, whether it be the CEO of an organization or a mom from my child’s daycare has never been a problematic situation. Navigating the business world and being noticed are naturally easy for an extrovert. However, not everyone that is or can be successful in an organization has an extroverted personality. The opposite of an extrovert is an introvert. Introverted personalities do not always equate to shy or reserved behavior. Some introverts are performers, teachers, have great ambition, are dynamic leaders or public speakers. Amy Schumer and Oprah consider themselves introverts. In a society that rewards extroverts, introverts can be overlooked. It should be noted that not everyone is all or nothing when it comes it introversion-extroversion. There is a range, and we all fall somewhere on that line. What does introversion mean then? For some that fall into this category, it may mean that you need more down-time to recover from an event or a meeting. It could mean that you prefer a quieter workspace over an active, loud, crowded work environment. That after a full day of meetings, as much as you enjoyed and benefited from them, you are simply exhausted. Morra Aarons-Mele in her article, “An Introvert’s Guide to Surviving on the Job” asks these questions to help determine if you are an introvert (Entrepreneur, 2021). “Do you feel replenished by being alone? Given the chance, would you spend a chunk of your workday in quiet instead of surrounded by co-workers in buzzy office?” As leaders of your organization, you are often challenged to manage and recognize all the different perspectives, personalities and ways people like to interact with their fellow colleagues and management. It can also be difficult to distinguish best practices for your staff and organization. However, I do not think it has to be an either/or proposition for managing, maintaining and developing your staff. The extroverts in your office do not have an issue with speaking up in a meeting or voicing their opinions about a change in policy. Yet, how can you empower your staff who take time to engage or are more hesitant to speak up? Danielle Fallon-O’Leary in her article “10 Things You Should Know About Managing Introvert Employees” suggest the following (CO: U.S Chamber of Commerce, 2023): ask for their input and preferences. assign them a work buddy. do not put them on the spot. create an inclusive environment. develop a rapport. focus on their strengths. allow them downtime. practice patience. celebrate them in small, personalized ways. do not try to change them. It is important to appreciate all the strengths and talents of your employees. Introverts bring a depth of understanding and a richness of perspectives that might be missed by others. For example, introverted employees tend to be more self-sufficient, reflective, connected and self-aware and resilient, as stated in an article by Robin Buckley, “6 Overlooked Superpowers of Introverts in the Workplace.” (Entrepreneur, 2021). Additionally, they can have a deep understanding and focus on issues, higher levels of creativity, strong listening skills and thoughtful decision-making skills. Reflecting on your staff’s needs and addressing them in a way that is inclusive, understanding and supportive will grow your team, create deeper bonds among staff and produce an environment that is conducive to increased cooperation and cohesiveness. Nikie Walker, Ed.D. Brescia University-Division Chair/Assistant Professor- Charles A. Reid School of Business. HR consultant/owner-20/20 Walker Consulting https://2020walkerconsulting.org/ https://www.entrepreneur.com/leadership/6-overlooked-superpowers-of-introverts-in-the-workplace/384889 https://www.uschamber.com/co/run/human-resources/how-to-support-introverted-employees
